i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
