you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
