GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
