My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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