Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize