don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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