Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
