Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
