Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
