for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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