he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
