pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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