Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
