Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
