someone get that fucking seahorse.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
