I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize