She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
