How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My life is pants optional.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
