he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You smell like stripper and shame
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
