He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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