I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
