My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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