took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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