i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Who died my cat blue again?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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