Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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