I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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