Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
