you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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