I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
