the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize