That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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