she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
