i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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