I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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