It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Is this like a preordered booty call?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
