I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
