She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
