can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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