Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
