I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
