Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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