Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
you had me at cake vodka
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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