i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize