it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
