totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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