yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
