i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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