6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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