somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
