Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
he just fucked me for my cheese..
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize