I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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