I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
worst night to have a conscience
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just found puke in my bra..
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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