I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
