if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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