So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
