Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
