Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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