Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize