I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
