Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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