And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
