We're like a lot better than the average bears
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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