Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
