FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
