Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
