I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
