Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I FOUND THE LEGS
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
