I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize