its not stalking. its research.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
