When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
