listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
