I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
