Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
