so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize