He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
