You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
two words: eviction party
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
