Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
