2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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