Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
