you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
