I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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