id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
