i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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