what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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