I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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