Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
