He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
