I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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