put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
As shirtless as possible
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
