Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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