When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
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