She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
