I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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