every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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