I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
