Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
