were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
