Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
