Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
