we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
They have beer where we have blood.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
