So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
